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Emotional Intelligence (2)
More about this EI thing
As mentioned in my previous post, Emotional Intelligence (EI) includes the four main factors of: SELF AWARENESS, SELF-MANAGEMENT, SOCIAL AWARENESS, and RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT.
Self-management is basically making a conscious choice for your own internal responses. The challenge in this is that our natural or innate responses feel valid from our own perspective. Getting mad seems like the right thing to do when someone p***es you off. We feel like they deserve to be yelled at, and even if we have the self-control not to actually yell at them, we might still be all tense and going “grrrrrrrrrrr…” on the inside.
Traditionally, I have had a quick-to-anger temperament. However, I have learned to use an intellectual trick to keep from getting all “grrrr” on the inside. I give myself the intellectual exercise of: “what would I accept as a valid reason for this otherwise unacceptable behavior?” For example, if someone is being rude to me, I’d give them a pass if they were exhausted by living with a colicky newborn, or if their dog had just died, or if they had mistaken me for the person their ex cheated with, or if they were on the autism spectrum and didn’t know that what they did or said was rude. If someone is late for a meeting, my intellectual go-to is: “Don’t get mad; they might have just been in a car accident. I hope they are okay.”
Quite often, the reason for the rude behavior isn’t the one I’ve considered, but the process of finding a valid reason keeps me from having that internal anger slow-burn and stressing out.
What internal reaction do you have that has “room for improvement?” Consider what would work for you, and would help you with your own self-management.