De-escalation

If you work in retail, you know how stressful customer relations can be during the holiday shopping season. If you shop, you know it, too.

When dealing with an angry person, don’t pour gas on the fire by yelling in response to their yelling. But don’t “turtle” or shrink back—some people see that as “weakness” and get even angrier.

Talk quietly, slowly, and deliberately. Continue to make “face contact” by looking at their cheeks and nose—direct eye contact can be seen as a challenge. Use short sentences (3-4 words max, like “that won’t work”). Repeat if necessary, getting slower and quieter each time, but with energy—a good “stage whisper” is appropriate.

Don’t tell someone to “calm down”—that NEVER works. Use your verbal and nonverbal calm demeanor to model appropriate behavior. If the anger is not bounced back at them, most people will realize that THEY are acting inappropriately in a social situation. Humans are social creatures and don’t want to be seen negatively by onlookers. The social pressure to “use your INSIDE VOICE” will kick in for most folks at this point.

Now, this will not work as well if the person is intoxicated or having a mental health problem, but it’s solidly successful with your typical customer or contractor who is having a bad day.

(image source: New Hampshire Ballot Clerk training video)